Turning My Darkness Into Light
As individuals, we are the sum of our experiences from this life and the past. In every life, we face certain tests, and it is once we pass these tests, we can move on to the next stage of life. I like to think of it as the school of life, where passing each test promotes us to the next step. From lessons learned, spread across millions of lifetimes, we become ever wiser, closer to graduation or salvation- Moksha.
Every emotion that we have is often absorbed from our environment or past lives. While we are born with some personality traits, I’ve found that I had learned to become fearful due to the family environment I grew up in. I absorbed this energy from my mother, who was constantly afraid of my father. It wounded me as a child, and I carried that emotion with me. I developed hypothyroidism at the age of 8 without any family history of the disease. And over the years, I had completely lost the connection to my soul but little did I know that my spiritual test required me to overcome fear.
After marriage and experiencing a lot of changes, some pleasant and some not-so-pleasant, I had to make a choice in MY LIFE.
Remembering my mother’s experiences, I started to think about how her life turned out to be, and I knew I didn’t want my life to be the same, but I was too fearful, just like her, to make changes. Usually, fear and victim mindset go hand in hand. It is low vibration energy.
I experienced emotional upheavals from symptomatic thyroid imbalance, anxiety and panic attacks, severe headaches, and eventually, loss of strength in my legs before my entire body gave up. All this while my scans, blood tests, were excellent. However, in a spiritual sense, if one does not stand up and respect their soul, it gives up on you too. Our soul is a much bigger power than our personality. Every emotion and thought we have is linked to body parts and organs and reflects the disharmony in your spiritual+mind+body connection.
While on the outside, I looked fine (see a photo of me during those days, nobody can tell I was at the worst point in my life) internally, my body had lost all strength, and I could not stand for more than a minute.
I found myself at a crossroads. I had to choose either to fight for what I truly believed in with all my heart and soul, or to accept what seemed to have been decided for me. I was afraid. Of change, of the consequences both seen and unpredictable, of what people’s reactions could be. I was fearful of making the wrong decision, of regret, of being judged. Choices like these don’t come often, and when they do, what you choose carries the potential to define you. I remember at the moment, I felt paralyzed with fear. I had never spoken out before; how will I do it now when it matters the most?
With all of the thoughts running through my mind, one sentiment was a constant; this was my life. If I didn’t take charge of it now, I might lose it forever. I wasn’t happy, and by letting people write my future for me, I knew then I would never be. It’s all too easy to descend into a negative spiral of blaming others for things going wrong in life. I believe that the issues we face in our lives are nothing more than the chaos within us, projecting the outside.
During this journey, even though medical & alternative wellness professionals could not help, it was interesting to know everybody’s insights on the situation. A few family and friends also offered encouragement & support. But none of this was the ULTIMATE ANSWER.
Finally, I reconnected with MDPs senior healer, whom I had met 8 years back, who brought me back in alignment.
People devalue the importance of the role of our ENERGY BODY in our health & well-being. You are the sum of your energy body!
She helped me tremendously, pointing out sources of darkness within me, giving me clarity on my situation then, and energetically balancing the misalignments to at least develop the mental will and stamina to work towards my plans. The mental & emotional balance slowly helped in gaining physical strength over a couple of months.
Some of the realizations that helped me overcome fear were:
● My mother’s trauma does not define me; I am the author of my own life
● My weaknesses get me into a situation, but life is constantly changing, and I can change this too
● Others have fears too, play smart but with good morals
● We have access to shelter homes & other facilities; google the ones in your area
● I am an educated girl and can earn a living. Would you choose to suffer for one year or over a lifetime?
● I read inspirational stories of people in similar situations and how they overcame it
● Our fears seem more significant in our heads than what they are
I chose to speak up & stand up for my values, learnings, and my non-negotiables in life. And create a timeline and structure to work towards it. I also invested a lot in self-development & sessions with a mentor.
Slowly with a lot of persistence, resilience, patience, my life started to change, and as I continued living my soul’s purpose, everything in life began to align one by one.
Living your soul’s purpose removes the suffering from the struggle, but you still have to learn all life lessons one by one to attain enlightenment. It is a path of discomfort and not comfort, but the rewards are priceless.
My strong advice to anybody who wants to overcome fear is to awaken the power of your soul continuously, let it be your guide, listen to its voice, and life will align itself.
If you would like to join me, or if you’re facing a test at this moment yourself, please do reach out. Help is here.
