Part 1: Uncovering my Past and Discovering Myself

My Childhood

“There is a garden in childhood, an enchanted place where colours are brighter, the air softer, and the morning more fragrant than ever again.” – Elizabeth Lawrence

My sister and I experienced both spiritual and material wings of life under one roof. The only downside, however, was that our parents were polar opposites – while one advocated financial achievements and earnings, the other valued love, service, teaching, and even victimhood. This duality confused me. Looking back now, I realise my parents only wanted what was best for us, and were dealing with their own trauma silently.

We were taught to be strong, independent, and determined women. As a result, our emotions, child-like curiosity, and creative expression took a backseat. This shut me off from the world. I felt a disconnect from everyone around me. How do you connect with people if you experience such a deep disconnect within? My unending questions and vivid imagination set me apart. Being a highly sensitive child, I was attuned to what people would feel and think. I could view situations differently and find solutions from as little as the age of 6.

I felt misunderstood. I now know that being misunderstood by others is a result of misunderstanding yourself first. Back then, I felt clueless about my identity, values, roots, life purpose, and even my safety & survival in this world. The only thing that was certain, was that excelling in academics would help me get into a reputed college and eventually earn a good living for myself.

Left to Right – My sister, me, my cousin

A withdrawn child

I withdrew to become a shy, timid girl who found it extremely difficult to express herself. I held my secrets and powers within, afraid of them. I was ashamed of not knowing who I was, my true self, and my higher self. Everything I felt seemed taboo. I stopped talking completely. I was diagnosed with a thyroid disorder. I did not speak, live, or believe in my truth, and that led to an imbalance in my throat chakra.

I changed my course. I put all my energy into studying finance. Financial conversations at home earned me nods of approval. Desperate to please everybody and lacking the courage to stand up for my true self, I locked the mystical part of me deep within. Soon enough I was a successful financial professional and an entrepreneur. It made me feel powerful, but only on the outside.

People often commented on my calmness, how I never panicked and how I was always composed. If only they knew, I thought.

The shift within

“Within the chaos, magic is found.”- Tara Isis Gerris

The shift from shutting off to letting go was not an easy one. My inner powers helped.

I was an empath, I sensed others’ emotions quickly. My intuition helped me make the right decisions and advise people better. I was attracted to the occult sciences – energy, healing, spirituality, and more. The thought of discovering my soul and finding my life’s purpose enthralled me. No materialistic entity, parties, alcohol, or gossip had ever interested me as much as my new journey did.

Slowly and purposefully embracing my gifts helped me overcome mental and emotional obstacles. I gave myself the permission to experience and feel again. I listened to my thoughts and respected my emotions. I began acknowledging my sensitivity towards the world and healing myself.

And thus began the journey of me discovering the real Kanupriya.

Part 1 of my journey will help you understand the issues faced by compassionate, sensitive, and spiritually advanced souls. If you were one too, or still are, I urge you to not give up and to begin exploring your true self.

Part 2 will take you on a spiritual journey with me – how I discovered my purpose, how I found my Master, and how I became the strong, psychic healer I am today.

READ PART TWO